Forgets Which Way Doors Open

Before you can understand how ridiculous this is, you have to have a decent visual in your head of how this guy walks into rooms. In a word....Kramer. From Seinfeld. Picture that. Every time he walks into a room, door or not, it's a disaster. Usually he opens the door so fast it bangs against the wall and then bounces back into him, which he is totally caught off guard by, every time. This door bouncing back into him usually distracts him enough so he flails his arms up and knocks something over in whatever room he is going into.

If he is walking into his room the door usually hits the wall then bounces back to him, pushing him into his dresser which has stacks of bongs, plates, glasses and trash on it. So almost every entry into his room something is knocked over or broken. Same goes with the kitchen, which does not even have a door! He will walk into the kitchen, grab the refrigerator door, fling it open wildly, condiments flying off the shelves, which surprises him, every time, and he usually breaks something trying to catch them or dodge the now airborne ketchup bottles.

Lately, in his rush to pass through entry ways, he has been forgetting which way the doors swing open. No. Shit. If a door is open only an inch or so, sometimes he tries to open it furiously...the wrong way, and it slams shut and he immediately bounces into the now closed door. When this happens he quickly opens the door the correct way and walks out like nothing just happened. He even made this mistake trying to walk out the front door yesterday. I believe this is why we now have a crack in the glass in our front door.


He went to open it and walk outside, very hastily, only to realize too late that he again forgot which way it swings open as he slams into it, face first. Watching this happen while he was carrying his laundry was by far my highlight of last weekend. As he and his laundry slammed into the closed door, clothes went everywhere. It was straight out of a wile e coyote cartoon.

You could call him a complete train wreck, except normally trains don't wreck over and over and over....