Ten Days Without Supervision - Part 1

I've been gone from the house for about ten days. I watched a friends house for a week and went to Vegas and was bracing myself for the worst possible scenario I could imagine coming home to. Again I realize my imagination is no match for the Hurricane's reality.

Sit back and let me tell you why your living situation is vastly greater than mine...

I pull up to the house and I have to piss really, really bad. As I park I see the red glow coming from the windows. Crap, he is doing his buddist shit again. He has some janitor from his work come over once or twice a week and they meditate...pretty gay shit if you ask me. All the lights are turned off except for a single red one and two grown men sit or lay next to each other with jungle noises on the radio. I don't hang out for this shit so that's all I know about it. I will post later about this, got some great pics and videos.

When I walk in the house he is alone, thank god, and I ask whats going on...

BD: Was your mentor dude just here? That why you have the light on?
Hurr: Yea he just left.
BD: Good I gotta piss like crazy.
Hurr: Yea, um, that toilet is out of commission man, hahaha.
BD: What! Why didn't you fix it!
Hurr: Man, somethings wrong with that thing, I dunno, it's outta commission.

Fuck! This is starting off awesome already. Not in the house for 5 seconds and I'm already pissed off. I have to piss so bad right now I go outside, walk the 30 yards or so to the beach and piss in the ocean, no lie. I think to myself the same ol' thought "So this is really my life huh?"

I go back in the house and go right to my room and shut the door. I go directly to bed so I don't have to see him or see what the house looks like (it's totally dark) and I'll deal with it tomorrow since he is leaving for four days later tonight.

When I wake up and come out of my room to survey the damage I now know the sinking feeling everyone has when a Hurricane passes over their property and their house is leveled. I felt like I was on a State Farm commercial, only no one is coming to help me. First thing I do is go look in the bathroom and see this ominous sign.

When I open the toilet to inspect I instantly figured out what happened. He clogged up the toilet and since I wasn't there he decided he didn't need to plunge it and just left it. Of course this isn't the worst part at all. It was obvious for reasons that I'm not gonna go in to that he had plugged it up, left it backed up, and continued to keep shitting and pissing in it...for days. I am not kidding about this. He even went to the store and bought a packet of those blue toilet bowl cleaner tabs and dropped them in the tank. Yup, in his retarded attempt to 'fix' this situation he thought these tabs would help, you can see the package in the trash above.

So not only did he not fix it, he continued to use it, put blue tabs in the tank and put a sign labeled "broken" on the seat when he left for his trip. Thanks dude, thanks a shit ton.

I had to have someone else witness this so I called Shitass over to watch some college bowl games. He took this picture of me as I went in to do battle with my shirt tied around my face.

It took me only a minute or two to fix what he called "out of commission". That's what grown ups do you fucking retard. I should note here that nothing really grosses me out, nothing. So this wasn't a big deal to me, but I'm pretty sure very few other humans could have done this without losing it. I even had Shitass open the lid to verify that it had been used many times since it was originally blocked up and he wanted to go home instantly. Anyway, I finish it up and when I came out I noticed Shitass wasn't on the couch anymore...

BD: Where the fuck are you, I demand you endure this with me!
SA: I thought I was gonna puke I'm outside by the front door.
BD: You freaking pussy.
SA: F that I was full on gagging just now.

Once this first step to cleaning the house of the Hurricane's wrath was taken, I took a look around the place to take stock of the damage: See Part 2