No Toilet Paper? No Problem!

Thursday morning when I left to go to work the Hurricane had gone through all the toilet paper. About 24 rolls in two weeks. This stuff ain't cheap so I did not pick up any on the way home from work. When I got home from work the Hurricane was already home. He is never home this early and I asked him what was up. Two girls from his work are coming over. Wow!

Instantly I realized the train wreck that was heading for him he had no idea about. You can't have chicks over your house and have no TP. It's like a major rule, never ever be out of TP when you have female visitors. But, I also keep baby wipes in there so they could have gotten by.... but F them. So I went in to grab them to hide them before they got there and guess what I saw. The Hurricane's solution was to put two paper towel rolls from the kitchen in the bathroom. One on the toilet and one on the sink. Genius!


Also amusing was what he did to "clean". Ya know how he has the trash can in there always overflowing with his bloody tissues? Did he empty it in the outside trash cans? Hell no, he is too clever to waste that much energy. The creature put the overfilled bathroom trash can in the kitchen...right next to the overfilled kitchen trash can. He didn't even bother to empty it, just moved it. Of course, I can see the rational behind this since every time he stacks the trash high enough it magically disappears. I wonder if he will be surprised when that mystery is solved by him reading this blog and realizing I've been having to clean up his trash tribbles every god damn week.

The girls never came in the house and they went out with the Hurricane shortly after ariving. I went to bed early (have been sick for a week) and woke up Friday morning after the Hurricane went to work. I have the day off so a buddy of mine (RM) comes over to have a morning beer before he plays golf.

I am retelling him the story of the paper towels on the toilet last night and when I finish I think out loud to my friend...

BD: You know what, I bet you that piece of shit used those paper towels this morning and backed up the toilet.
RM: Oh yes you know he did, lets go see!

Sure enough, we walk in to see the toilet backed up with a shitty paper towel clogging it up. AND he moved the bathroom trash can back into the bathroom while still full! This creature is so amazing.


BD: Son of a shitty paper towel bitch. I'm gonna have to fish that fucking thing out with a god damn hangar!
RM: Can I take video of you doing it?
BD: Fuck you HELL NO. OK yes but just take pics this is for sure going on the blog.

So RM took a couple pics while I literally had to pull his shitty paper towels out of the toilet with a hangar, place them in a plastic shopping bag, place that bag into a empty 12 pack box, place that box into a bigger trash bag and go bury it in the outside trash cans. Is this really my life?