Final Post - The Update

The final post. The final update. This is it. As soon as I hit 'publish' on this it's over. I will now be taking all these posts, pictures and comments from everyone and making a nice coffee table book out of it. Not to make money, I have no plans to sell it, it will be self published and will sell a grand total of ONE copy, to myself.

About one week after I moved out and sent him the email revealing this blog to him, a buddy of mine went down to the house to check it out. I had asked him to grab a couple of things I had forgotten. Officially, I am still living here until the end of April, as is the Hurricane, so going in the house, or having a friend go in my house breaks no laws. There was no need to give my friend a key because the Hurricane had lost his keys so many times in the first month I got sick of making him duplicates, so literally, we have never locked this house. Ever.

Aaaaaand since you're gonna be there anyway bud, you might as well get an update to how this creature has been living now that he is all alone in that house, without supervision or a roommate for a week.

First things first. I predicted that the Hurricane, after being notified that all of our friends and neighbors that lived right around us read this blog daily, would close all the curtains and blinds and hide like a creature in hibernation from the world around him. I nailed it. He even figured out how to close the vertical blinds he destroyed which were no longer functional.

So without further ado, let's get to the pictures. Here we have a couple of the kitchen, his favorite ground zero location for his destructive tendencies. No surprises here, the usual...


Well...maybe a couple of surprises. WHY THE FUCK is there a giant black WIG on the kitchen counter? Yes, that's what it is, a giant black dreads type rasta wig.


And if you think that's weird, my bartender friend "KM" in Vegas pointed this interesting little tidbit in this photo....SPRAY TAN! The skinny gold bottle in the lower right, that is Nuetrogena spray tan! It almost makes the fact that there are tons of protein bar wrappers and a giant black wig on the counter completely uninteresting! Is he going out to the bars here in Newport Beach dressed up at Snookie from Jersey Shore?


OK, ok, let's calm down for a second and get to more "normal" Hurricane stuff. Here is a pic of the main TV room, with his shit all over the place like always.


But wait! What is that over in the corner? Does the Hurricane have a couple of new hobbies? Hahahahah I can just imagine this real life Peter Griffin trying to use these items. If you haven't seen the Hurricane, just imagine Peter Griffin or the guy that was on Jeopardy.



OK, ok, ok, what's next. Oh yea, the trash tribbles. Was there trash tribbles? What the hell do you think? The creature has been alone for a week! But the ever clever Hurricane, I think, tried to stave off the tribble invasion temporarily. It looks like he found where the kitchen trash can was and moved it. Five feet. Because, ya know, moving it five feet will make him a less disgusting individual. Or.....he will fill it up, get confused as to what to do when it's full, and just start leaving new trash bags around the house and fill those up too! Any guesses?


Let's try to keep together on this tour everyone. Hey, you in back, catch up, we are going to go look at the creature's stink cave. Please, no flash photography and do not feed the animal if you see him.



And now the couch pillows. You'd think there would be tons of pillows in front of the TV but I knew better. How? Because I finally threw away the remote that the Hurricane previously broke, even though it worked fine for 90% of it's functions. How long did you look for that remote anyway, Hurricane? Does it sadden you to not be able to sit indian style on top of couch pillows two feet in front of the TV like a fucking retarded four year old?


Oh, and that must be why he is watching DVDs now. =)


And over the past seven months the number of beers of mine the Hurricane has drank is probably in the hundreds. Even more if you count the beers I left unfinished that he later went around the house finishing the next mornings. So I had no problems when my friend informed me that he 'rescued' the 18 pack that was in the fridge.


Just look at the smile on my face. Drinking these beers at my buddy's house later that night was a very fulfilling experience. By far the best tasting Bud Light cans I have ever had!


So, let us not keep you in suspense any longer, follow me into the bathroom, the Hurricane's favorite hang out spot.


Look at this above picture for a moment with me and count the random things in the bathroom. Clippers, toothbrush, magazine, razor....ok normal things. But what's with the fucking football in there? The mirror is back in there? Empty water bottle and a shirt steamer? What else do we have here... Full trash can? That's odd. TP on ground and not the wall dispenser? That's odd. Random garbage and clothes on the ground? That's odd. Paper towels? Thought you should know better by now Hurricane! And a scale, maybe to see if his new hobbies are helping him lose weight!



But the best thing ever is the bottle of Draino that is now under the sink. Let me explain why this is unusual/awesome. When I moved out, he had again backed up the shower drain. This was the FOURTH TIME. The previous three times I went and bought Draino and fixed it because, ya know, that's what grown ups do fucker! Actually it was just because I knew he never would. I started calling it the Hurricane's "storm surge". He would literally take showers with the water sloshing around his feet three or four inches high and have no problems with it.

But....after I moved out, I'm pretty sure he had a problem with it. Especially if he had even the most minor of cuts on his skin anywhere the backed up water would come into contact with. The last couple days in the place I even stopped taking showers there. I literally took showers at a friends house and my parents place to avoid mine, knowing that I would be leaving soon and wanted him to deal with his own clogged up clusterfuck of a shower.

And there was one way I knew I could get him to want to deal with dirty backed up shower water all over his feet and legs....


If you don't know what that "PURE CAP" eye dropper is on the right, please visit this link.

http://www.hotsauceworld.com/purecap.html

Product Description: Scoville Rating of 500,000 Units, is the original additive that allows you to quickly heat up a dish, without changing the flavor profile. It can NOT be directly consumed without harm to humans. This sauce is 100 Times Hotter than a Jalapeno - A Mixture of vegetable oil & capsaicin, we demand that you sign a waiver before we will sell you this sauce. This sauce is so lethal it comes in a medicine bottle, with an eye dropper.

And it wasn't only the shower I spiked with it, the Hurricane is too predictable, scavenging my Monster Drinks and other food items, to pass this up this opportunity for a real lesson to be taught.

....So with that knowledge, Hurricane, I think you now know why, for probably the first time ever in your life, you truly, TRULY regreted eating and drinking food that wasn't yours. More specifically, MY food and drinks I decided not to take with me from the fridge when I moved out.


FUCK YOU HURRICANE....I WIN

.