I will continually update this post as new books are left out.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
The Hurricane's Reading List
Posted without commentary.
I will continually update this post as new books are left out.
I will continually update this post as new books are left out.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Trash Tribbles Attack - Part 5
Came home from work last night and cleaned up the house. Before I did I snapped a couple pics of the trash tribbles that have sprung up while I was away for the weekend. I filled up two outdoor trash cans with all this crap.
Soon as I came in the house I knew the Hurricane had come home from lunch. A strand of TP was just laying right in the middle of the hallway outside the bathroom.
Instead of taking the trash out, this creature has learned how to stack full bags on top of full bags. Looks like his couch cushion stacking skills have found new uses.
Another bag on the kitchen counter, half filled with trash.
And of course you can't have a trash tribbles incident without having one right next to the front door!
Soon as I came in the house I knew the Hurricane had come home from lunch. A strand of TP was just laying right in the middle of the hallway outside the bathroom.
Instead of taking the trash out, this creature has learned how to stack full bags on top of full bags. Looks like his couch cushion stacking skills have found new uses.
Another bag on the kitchen counter, half filled with trash.
And of course you can't have a trash tribbles incident without having one right next to the front door!
Monday, March 28, 2011
An Explanation Eludes Me
I came home last night after being gone for another weekend expecting the house to be trashed and destroyed like usual, but was met with a rather unusual situation. The house was not any worse that it was when I left Friday night. And it didn't smell bad, which is also unusual when the Hurricane is not supervised for a few days. BUT, and this is a big BUT, there was some rather weird shit laying around. I snapped pictures of them shaking my head at my complete loss of an explanation for this.
First, we have gloves and two bananas. These are industrial cleaning gloves, and since this creature has never cleaned anything since we've lived here, and probably his entire life, I have zero ideas on why these would be on the coffee table. The bananas...I just don't know. He would have had to find a grocery store to buy these items and that is most improbable.
Do those above items have anything to do with the paper towel that is crumbled up and shoved in between the couch cushions? Hell if I know but I sure as shit ain't touching it...
And it looks like the Hurricane may have gone a little overboard with his nasal cleansing this weekend, bloody tissues everywhere in the trash. This trash can was empty when I left Friday. He filled it up with TP in two days. He tends to go through an entire roll per day.
First, we have gloves and two bananas. These are industrial cleaning gloves, and since this creature has never cleaned anything since we've lived here, and probably his entire life, I have zero ideas on why these would be on the coffee table. The bananas...I just don't know. He would have had to find a grocery store to buy these items and that is most improbable.
Do those above items have anything to do with the paper towel that is crumbled up and shoved in between the couch cushions? Hell if I know but I sure as shit ain't touching it...
And it looks like the Hurricane may have gone a little overboard with his nasal cleansing this weekend, bloody tissues everywhere in the trash. This trash can was empty when I left Friday. He filled it up with TP in two days. He tends to go through an entire roll per day.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Hurricane vs The Toilet: A Daily Battle
This post probably crosses all lines of decency but F it, if I have to live through this then the least you guys can do is read about it. I tried to keep this blog, for the most part, in good taste but I'm sick of not sharing the really disgusting shit that goes on here. Toenail clippings, backed up toilets, shit on TP rolls, nasal cleaning in the sink, and eating dog food, these things are not gross. THIS is gross....
Everyday I get home the toilet looks like this. I clean this fucking thing almost every day. I'm no neat freak but there is no way I would even piss in this toilet looking like this. Yet, everyday I get home from work and he has re-plastered the thing.
And if that isn't bad enough, this time when I got home (and is what prompted me to write this post) there was a patch of pubes stuck to the seat. And to answer your Q....no it's not possible these are mine. At all. Just gotta take my word on that one.
Welcome to my life.
Everyday I get home the toilet looks like this. I clean this fucking thing almost every day. I'm no neat freak but there is no way I would even piss in this toilet looking like this. Yet, everyday I get home from work and he has re-plastered the thing.
And if that isn't bad enough, this time when I got home (and is what prompted me to write this post) there was a patch of pubes stuck to the seat. And to answer your Q....no it's not possible these are mine. At all. Just gotta take my word on that one.
Welcome to my life.
.
Uses My Dog Food Fork
Let me explain this one for ya. I make my dog his own food every week or two. I keep it in the fridge in a tupperware container with a fork inside of it. I keep a fork inside the tupperware container with food because sometimes I can never find a clean fork so at least this way I know I have one I can use.
Every afternoon I feed my dog by bringing the tupperware container out and using the fork to scoop it into his dog bowl. After I do I usually let him lick the big chunks off the fork, it's just something he loves to do and I think it's neat how he knows how to eat off of a fork. After he does that I put the fork back into the tupperware container and snap it close and put it back in the fridge for the next day.
Two days ago I made another batch of food. Yesterday I got home from work and went to feed my dog and noticed I had forgotten to put the fork back in there. This fork is different from all the other forks in the house. We have a full silverware set, somewhat modern looking and I use a fork that was left in the house by previous renters, it looks like something an old lady would have.
I look around the counter for the fork and that's when I noticed what happened to it. The Hurricane used it to stir his eggs before he cooked them. Here is the pic.
The gross thing about this is that if you look closely the Hurricane didn't even bother to wipe the dog food off the fork. It still has chunks in it. He used this fork to stir his eggs, cooked and ate them, and left his mess on the counter so I could discover what he had done.
To The Hurricane: I really can't wait till you read this blog and see what a disgusting creature you are. This is TWICE now you have ingested dog food.
After this discovery I laughed for a few minutes and grabbed a clean fork and put it in the tupperware container, no way am I gonna let my dog eat off of something the Hurricane has. I also left the dog food fork in that bowl. Ten bucks says he continues to use it.
Here is a pic I took as I put a new fork in and left the dog food fork in his egg bowl. I can't believe this creature still amazes me almost every single day.
Every afternoon I feed my dog by bringing the tupperware container out and using the fork to scoop it into his dog bowl. After I do I usually let him lick the big chunks off the fork, it's just something he loves to do and I think it's neat how he knows how to eat off of a fork. After he does that I put the fork back into the tupperware container and snap it close and put it back in the fridge for the next day.
Two days ago I made another batch of food. Yesterday I got home from work and went to feed my dog and noticed I had forgotten to put the fork back in there. This fork is different from all the other forks in the house. We have a full silverware set, somewhat modern looking and I use a fork that was left in the house by previous renters, it looks like something an old lady would have.
I look around the counter for the fork and that's when I noticed what happened to it. The Hurricane used it to stir his eggs before he cooked them. Here is the pic.
The gross thing about this is that if you look closely the Hurricane didn't even bother to wipe the dog food off the fork. It still has chunks in it. He used this fork to stir his eggs, cooked and ate them, and left his mess on the counter so I could discover what he had done.
To The Hurricane: I really can't wait till you read this blog and see what a disgusting creature you are. This is TWICE now you have ingested dog food.
After this discovery I laughed for a few minutes and grabbed a clean fork and put it in the tupperware container, no way am I gonna let my dog eat off of something the Hurricane has. I also left the dog food fork in that bowl. Ten bucks says he continues to use it.
Here is a pic I took as I put a new fork in and left the dog food fork in his egg bowl. I can't believe this creature still amazes me almost every single day.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The Hurricane Is Not Trainable
I previously speculated that the Hurricane may be in fact trainable, so I decided to put his dirty dishes he left on the coffee table on top of his book that he is currently reading.
Not only did he not get the hint, the amount of dirty dishes on the coffee table has doubled in the time I was at work yesterday. Lesson learned, don't try to train this creature.
Not only did he not get the hint, the amount of dirty dishes on the coffee table has doubled in the time I was at work yesterday. Lesson learned, don't try to train this creature.
Video: The Hurricane Watching TV On Couch Pillows
Woke up this morning to the Hurricane watching TV like he normally does, sitting indian style on a stack of couch pillows within inches of the TV. Since I can't take a picture with my phone without it making the shutter noise I took a quick video instead. Enjoy the creepiness of the Hurricane.
Update: Next day he was doing the same thing, so I took another video. In case there was any of you who thought this was just a one time thing...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Trash Pile In Shower
The Hurricane is an interesting creature. I can't quite figure some things out about him. One ongoing question is what soap he uses to shower with. I have to hide mine in my bedroom now because he constantly steals my shit, but since I've been doing that pretty much nothing has changed. This pic of all his empty bottles in the shower rack has looked like this for the past six months. Really. And this isn't all of it, he has a few bottles on the floor in the shower also. More than ten pieces of trash and no soap of any kind is ever in the shower. Whatever, I probably don't want to know anyway.
And I found this on the counter yesterday. An empty deodorant stick. The bathroom trash can is not even two feet away from the counter (and inches away from the shower door) and he still couldn't make it in there. But that's not the problem here, the problem is that is MY deodorant! Mine! He used it all up and didn't even have the decency to hide the fact that he stole it and used it! I don't even know how he got this since I keep everything in my closet now.
And I found this on the counter yesterday. An empty deodorant stick. The bathroom trash can is not even two feet away from the counter (and inches away from the shower door) and he still couldn't make it in there. But that's not the problem here, the problem is that is MY deodorant! Mine! He used it all up and didn't even have the decency to hide the fact that he stole it and used it! I don't even know how he got this since I keep everything in my closet now.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Fixes Ceiling Leak, Fails
This solves a mystery I had in a previous post. I was hanging out on the deck yesterday afternoon when I noticed my upstairs neighbor "Fox" was hanging out on the neighbors deck a few houses over. He was waving at me telling me to come over. We hung out there enjoying some adult beverages as Fox told us the latest Hurricane story.
We have a dutch door for a front door so the top part was open as Fox walked by on Sunday. It was raining pretty good that day and he looked in to see the ceiling leaking. Here is a pic of the leak spot, kinda hard to see but you get the idea.
The Hurricane is inside sitting on the couch pillows watching TV like he always does. Fox noticed the leak...and the Hurricane's temporary fix for it. The conversation went like this:
Fox: Hey man the ceiling is leaking pretty good you should do something about that.
Hurr: I did, I put that chair there so it wont drip on the carpet.
Yes people, he put a CLOTH chair under the leak. Not a pot or pan or bucket...but a CHAIR for the water to drip on. This is a pic of the chair and when I checked it after Fox told me this story...it was indeed completely soaked.
Fox: A chair? What? Why are you using a chair?
Hurr: .......
Fox: C'mon man get a big pot so it can catch all the water don't use a chair!
Hurr: Hmm, ok yea, good idea, thanx.
Fox walked off after that exchange as the Hurricane went into the kitchen to look for something. Did he grab a big pot, of which we have several? Did he use the ice cooler that is about ten feet away behind the TV? Nope, the fucking retard used a frying pan! A fucking frying pan! I am now completely convinced this creature is retarded. Really.
We have a dutch door for a front door so the top part was open as Fox walked by on Sunday. It was raining pretty good that day and he looked in to see the ceiling leaking. Here is a pic of the leak spot, kinda hard to see but you get the idea.
The Hurricane is inside sitting on the couch pillows watching TV like he always does. Fox noticed the leak...and the Hurricane's temporary fix for it. The conversation went like this:
Fox: Hey man the ceiling is leaking pretty good you should do something about that.
Hurr: I did, I put that chair there so it wont drip on the carpet.
Yes people, he put a CLOTH chair under the leak. Not a pot or pan or bucket...but a CHAIR for the water to drip on. This is a pic of the chair and when I checked it after Fox told me this story...it was indeed completely soaked.
Fox: A chair? What? Why are you using a chair?
Hurr: .......
Fox: C'mon man get a big pot so it can catch all the water don't use a chair!
Hurr: Hmm, ok yea, good idea, thanx.
Fox walked off after that exchange as the Hurricane went into the kitchen to look for something. Did he grab a big pot, of which we have several? Did he use the ice cooler that is about ten feet away behind the TV? Nope, the fucking retard used a frying pan! A fucking frying pan! I am now completely convinced this creature is retarded. Really.
The Bathroom Sink Chronicles VI
This is what it looked like when I got home from work Monday afternoon. This is also the same day that the second TP roll incident took place.
And after I cleaned up the bathroom, along with the rest of the house, this is what the sink looks like. Half of it is his toothpaste (thank god he at least brushes his teeth) and the other half is his nasal cleansing residue. Awesome.
And after I cleaned up the bathroom, along with the rest of the house, this is what the sink looks like. Half of it is his toothpaste (thank god he at least brushes his teeth) and the other half is his nasal cleansing residue. Awesome.
Again With The TP Roll?
Before I got home yesterday I would have never thought the original TP roll incident would ever be repeated. Figured it was just a one time thing. I just relived the grossest post to this site. =\
And that's not even the worst part. I took this pic last night and forgot to throw the roll away. When I got up this morning to take a shower....he has used this exact roll, several times. Half of it was gone. I swear the Hurricane is like one of those retarded four year old kids that wipes his shit all over the bathroom walls and is completely confused when the parents yell at him. I think he literally has no idea what a disgusting creature he is...
And that's not even the worst part. I took this pic last night and forgot to throw the roll away. When I got up this morning to take a shower....he has used this exact roll, several times. Half of it was gone. I swear the Hurricane is like one of those retarded four year old kids that wipes his shit all over the bathroom walls and is completely confused when the parents yell at him. I think he literally has no idea what a disgusting creature he is...
Monday, March 21, 2011
A Typical Sunday Night
My Sunday nights are always interesting. I'm usually gone on weekends so the Hurricane is left alone to destroy the house. I came home last night after being out of town for the weekend to another disaster. Do you think I could get the Red Cross to set up a relief fund for Hurricane survivors...in Newport Beach, CA?
It looks like the Hurricane is back to sleeping on the couch every night. He has slept in his room a grand total of ONE night so far this month. It's March 21 today.
And it looks like the trash tribbles are back! No need to take out the full kitchen trash can, just use other bags and lay them around the house and fill them up with garbage, way easier and more logical than taking out the trash. Come to think of it, I don't think the Hurricane has ever taken out the trash...not even once. Shit, he probably doesn't even know where our trash cans are.
I found this picture to be rather interesting. I took the picture of the garbage bag sitting by the front door, which is a regular thing, and didn't even notice the frying pan on the chair until I uploaded it to use in this post...WTF?
And in true Hurricane fashion he has to fill up the bathroom sink with random garbage. And he STILL has not washed down his dried up snot and nasal cleansing residue.
It looks like the Hurricane is back to sleeping on the couch every night. He has slept in his room a grand total of ONE night so far this month. It's March 21 today.
And it looks like the trash tribbles are back! No need to take out the full kitchen trash can, just use other bags and lay them around the house and fill them up with garbage, way easier and more logical than taking out the trash. Come to think of it, I don't think the Hurricane has ever taken out the trash...not even once. Shit, he probably doesn't even know where our trash cans are.
I found this picture to be rather interesting. I took the picture of the garbage bag sitting by the front door, which is a regular thing, and didn't even notice the frying pan on the chair until I uploaded it to use in this post...WTF?
And in true Hurricane fashion he has to fill up the bathroom sink with random garbage. And he STILL has not washed down his dried up snot and nasal cleansing residue.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Hurricane's Nasal Cleansing Revisted
I got more than a few comments from friends and family that the Hurricane's nasal cleansing wasn't that big of a deal, wasn't that gross and my last post wasn't on par with the typical disgusting shit the Hurricane is accustomed to doing. My response to all of you? You're idiots. Have you not been reading about this creature for the past six months? There is NO WAY that this wont turn into another disgusting habit of the Hurricane's.
My fears were realized in under one day. Last night whilst I tried to enjoy some old Cheers episodes I had recorded (reminder that Cheers is the Hurricane's kryptonite, he scurries to his stink cave soon as it comes on) he went into the bathroom and started doing his nasal shit. Soon as he was done he came in and took some of the couch cushions and walked into his room.
I went to relieve myself of a couple of the Bud Lights I was enjoying earlier and that's when I noticed it. He left huge piles of snot and nasal runoff in the sink. He washed NONE of it down. There was even 'water' of some sort on the ground. So to everyone who said this wasn't abnormal behavior...please study this picture I took last night. You may need to click on the pic to enlarge it because it doesn't come out that good with my phone camera but trust me, it's there.
Mmmm k thanx.
My fears were realized in under one day. Last night whilst I tried to enjoy some old Cheers episodes I had recorded (reminder that Cheers is the Hurricane's kryptonite, he scurries to his stink cave soon as it comes on) he went into the bathroom and started doing his nasal shit. Soon as he was done he came in and took some of the couch cushions and walked into his room.
I went to relieve myself of a couple of the Bud Lights I was enjoying earlier and that's when I noticed it. He left huge piles of snot and nasal runoff in the sink. He washed NONE of it down. There was even 'water' of some sort on the ground. So to everyone who said this wasn't abnormal behavior...please study this picture I took last night. You may need to click on the pic to enlarge it because it doesn't come out that good with my phone camera but trust me, it's there.
Mmmm k thanx.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Has A New Hobby: Nasal Cleansing
I don't know why I even get surprised anymore, but again I am. I have never heard of these freaking things before in my life. "Neti" pots are some sort of nasal cleaner or something? It's too gross to even finish reading the instructions. This was in the bathroom with the packaging in the TV room, I present the Hurricane's new toy:
Monday, March 14, 2011
New Use For Broken Microwave
I came home to a destroyed house after only being gone for a day. One of the more curious things that stuck out in this weekends destruction was the broken microwave that was set afire four months ago had been moved. Still refusing to throw away this piece of melted plastic and metal that sits on the kitchen counter, apparently now indefinitely even with the electrical cord cut by me for safety reasons, the Hurricane moved it over a few feet so he could use it as a speaker stand.
Good thing he has kept this piece of garbage on the counter for the past few months, what would this creature have done without such an important piece of furniture to prop up his speakers?
Good thing he has kept this piece of garbage on the counter for the past few months, what would this creature have done without such an important piece of furniture to prop up his speakers?
24 Hours Unsupervised
I was only gone for one night, when I left the place the house was perfectly clean and organized, without even a single dish left out since I was off all week. This is what I came home to yesterday.
He is still sleeping on the couch every night. In fact, during the month of March he has YET to sleep in his own room.
The amount of trash that is accumulated and dishes dirtied over such a short period of time is truly amazing. A pack of wild apes couldn't match the mess this creature creates.
After he previously destroyed one set of vertical blinds, I found this piece to the other set today. He completely ripped it off. Amazing.
And it wouldn't be true Hurricane destruction without making a mess in the bathroom as well. What you can't really see in this pic is that the faucet is covered with some sort of hand lotion. I wouldn't even touch it with my hands when I brushed my teeth today.
He is still sleeping on the couch every night. In fact, during the month of March he has YET to sleep in his own room.
The amount of trash that is accumulated and dishes dirtied over such a short period of time is truly amazing. A pack of wild apes couldn't match the mess this creature creates.
After he previously destroyed one set of vertical blinds, I found this piece to the other set today. He completely ripped it off. Amazing.
And it wouldn't be true Hurricane destruction without making a mess in the bathroom as well. What you can't really see in this pic is that the faucet is covered with some sort of hand lotion. I wouldn't even touch it with my hands when I brushed my teeth today.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Before and After: Wine Left Out Last Night
Yesterday was such a beautiful day at the beach I decided to celebrate with a bottle of wine. I fully intended to finish the bottles because I knew its fate if I didn't. Well I just couldn't do it. I left the quarter bottle of wine and MY wine glass on the counter to see what would happen. I was expecting it to be gone or moved the next morning, little did I know I wouldn't have to wait even that long.
Soon as the Hurricane came home last night I got off the couch and took my dog outside. It was already dark so while my dog was running around in the sand I was on the deck looking inside the big windows. I wasn't out of the house for five seconds before the Hurricane went up to my glass of wine, grabbed it, smelled it and downed it. I was in awe as he started sniffing around the kitchen for anything else I may have left out. This creature is not human, I'm convinced.
In the morning the bottle was indeed finished. No big surprise there, along with his clothes, trash and used dishes sitting on the counter now. Seeing him go after and drink the wine in the glass I was using seconds after walking out of the room was pure comedy. I am really starting to enjoy this creature, I may even miss him when I finally move.
Soon as the Hurricane came home last night I got off the couch and took my dog outside. It was already dark so while my dog was running around in the sand I was on the deck looking inside the big windows. I wasn't out of the house for five seconds before the Hurricane went up to my glass of wine, grabbed it, smelled it and downed it. I was in awe as he started sniffing around the kitchen for anything else I may have left out. This creature is not human, I'm convinced.
In the morning the bottle was indeed finished. No big surprise there, along with his clothes, trash and used dishes sitting on the counter now. Seeing him go after and drink the wine in the glass I was using seconds after walking out of the room was pure comedy. I am really starting to enjoy this creature, I may even miss him when I finally move.
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