This is the Hurricane's natural habitat. Please do not pet or feed the animal, no flash photography. Enjoy your day at the Creature Theme Park.
Friday, April 29, 2011
The Creature's Cave III
More updates for the "Creature's Cave" Series. Didn't want you to think that the first post was a one time thing. Or even the second post was unusual. Here are a couple more pictures from different days. And yea, I've got tons more.
This is the Hurricane's natural habitat. Please do not pet or feed the animal, no flash photography. Enjoy your day at the Creature Theme Park.
This is the Hurricane's natural habitat. Please do not pet or feed the animal, no flash photography. Enjoy your day at the Creature Theme Park.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Hurricane Origins, Pre-Blog Photos
The other day I went through my phone and grabbed all the pictures I had taken from when I first moved in. I started taking pictures about six weeks before I started this blog. Most of all of those pictures I have never used because as soon as I started writing about the Hurricane it was tough just to keep up with him on a daily basis.
So here are one of the first sets of pictures I ever took. These were taken back in October, a month or so after we moved into this place. It was your typical situation where I was gone for the weekend and came back to the place destroyed. This was back when I was still shocked by this behavior...
It looks like he had already broken all the glasses at this point, that is when he started using plastic cups to drink his wine.
It was also before he started with the trash tribbles. Little did I know that him starting to leave trash around would lead to trash bags multiplying out of control and ending up sitting on the carpet by the front door for weeks...
And finally seeing this picture made me laugh. I took a picture of the then working microwave because I couldn't believe someone would spill something in there and not clean it up. Wow, knowing what we all know now about that microwave, how naive was I at the time?
So here are one of the first sets of pictures I ever took. These were taken back in October, a month or so after we moved into this place. It was your typical situation where I was gone for the weekend and came back to the place destroyed. This was back when I was still shocked by this behavior...
It looks like he had already broken all the glasses at this point, that is when he started using plastic cups to drink his wine.
It was also before he started with the trash tribbles. Little did I know that him starting to leave trash around would lead to trash bags multiplying out of control and ending up sitting on the carpet by the front door for weeks...
And finally seeing this picture made me laugh. I took a picture of the then working microwave because I couldn't believe someone would spill something in there and not clean it up. Wow, knowing what we all know now about that microwave, how naive was I at the time?
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The Creature's Cave II
Another pic snapped of the creature's stink cave he lives in. In case you thought this was some sort of one time event, it's not. This is how his room looks all the time. The destruction he causes to the rest of the house, while seemingly bad to us normal people, is probably just spillover from his room.
Friday, April 22, 2011
The Creature's Cave
A sneak peak into the stink cave. On days that he left his door open (which I had to shut because it would stink up the entire rest of the house) I would snap a picture from the safety of the hallway showing the natural habitat of this creature. I have tons of these pics, more will be posted soon.
Does this 'room' not look like a hurricane just hit it? You probably understand better now seeing this why he always sleeps out on the couch instead of his own room. The smell is indescribable.
Does this 'room' not look like a hurricane just hit it? You probably understand better now seeing this why he always sleeps out on the couch instead of his own room. The smell is indescribable.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
3x5 Card: Kristen
Not sure exactly what this says but "Kristen" if you read this....run. I believe your life to be in danger. I recommend a TRO, your local county courthouse can help with the restraining order process, it's easier than you think. Trust me, I have stalkers myself. =)
Hurricane vs My Dog's Medication
I had to bring my dog down to the house recently after some costly medical issues came up. Usually I wouldn't keep my dog in such a hazardous environment that living with the Hurricane can be but it was unavoidable with his medication schedule and needing to watch him 24/7 for a length of time.
Every morning I woke up and had to give him a pill. I bought some fully cooked sausages so I could put the pill in half of one and he would eat it up no problems. They came in packs of five. I had four packs of five in the fridge. The first morning I opened one of the packs and used half a sausage. Later that evening I used the other half for his night pill. When I woke up I should've had three full packs of five and one opened pack of four. I am so naive.
The opened pack of four was no where to be found. Actually, I take that back, the package of the opened pack was right there on the kitchen counter, just the four sausages that should be in there were nowhere to be found. As usual, the Hurricane eats my food and leaves all the trash evidence everywhere. This creature has no shame. I immediately put two of the unopened packs into the freezer hoping they will last a drunken Hurricane storm. I had to keep one pack thawed out at all times, hidden in the fridge, just so I can give my dog his seizure medication. This is my life.
But in true Billy Mays fashion....but wait there's more! About two weeks into me watching my dog at the house and giving him his meds the Hurricane came home from work, busted through the front door in his typical style, ran into the bathroom to destroy the toilet like he always does and then came out into the kitchen. He walked by the fridge and noticed the pill bottle on top. The creature is fairly short, and me being 6'3" it was easy to keep things hidden in plain sight as long as it was high up.
I usually put the pill bottle behind something, not to really hide it from him, but just to keep it out of the way and out of plain sight for simple decency. Well this time he spotted it, stopped in his tracks, backed up and grabbed the bottle and started reading the label. I was sitting on the couch watching this take place.
Hurr: Oh wow this stuff is great, I OD'ed on these once!
BD: Ummm, what?
Hurr: Yea these are amazing, really addicting though...
BD: Ummm, dude they are seizure meds for dogs...
Hurr: Yea but Phenobarbital is a barbiturate! Great Stuff!
BD: What's a barbiturate?
Hurr: Hahahah, oh man you're missing out!
BD: I'll take your word for it.
Soon as he left the house I googled the meds I was giving my dog, barbiturates and what people do with them. I told you I was naive. After a few minutes researching and going over the conversation I just had with the Hurricane those meds remained hidden in my room the remainder of the time I had my dog down. And for those wondering my dog is now in the safety of my parents house far away for any Hurricane zones.
Every morning I woke up and had to give him a pill. I bought some fully cooked sausages so I could put the pill in half of one and he would eat it up no problems. They came in packs of five. I had four packs of five in the fridge. The first morning I opened one of the packs and used half a sausage. Later that evening I used the other half for his night pill. When I woke up I should've had three full packs of five and one opened pack of four. I am so naive.
The opened pack of four was no where to be found. Actually, I take that back, the package of the opened pack was right there on the kitchen counter, just the four sausages that should be in there were nowhere to be found. As usual, the Hurricane eats my food and leaves all the trash evidence everywhere. This creature has no shame. I immediately put two of the unopened packs into the freezer hoping they will last a drunken Hurricane storm. I had to keep one pack thawed out at all times, hidden in the fridge, just so I can give my dog his seizure medication. This is my life.
But in true Billy Mays fashion....but wait there's more! About two weeks into me watching my dog at the house and giving him his meds the Hurricane came home from work, busted through the front door in his typical style, ran into the bathroom to destroy the toilet like he always does and then came out into the kitchen. He walked by the fridge and noticed the pill bottle on top. The creature is fairly short, and me being 6'3" it was easy to keep things hidden in plain sight as long as it was high up.
I usually put the pill bottle behind something, not to really hide it from him, but just to keep it out of the way and out of plain sight for simple decency. Well this time he spotted it, stopped in his tracks, backed up and grabbed the bottle and started reading the label. I was sitting on the couch watching this take place.
Hurr: Oh wow this stuff is great, I OD'ed on these once!
BD: Ummm, what?
Hurr: Yea these are amazing, really addicting though...
BD: Ummm, dude they are seizure meds for dogs...
Hurr: Yea but Phenobarbital is a barbiturate! Great Stuff!
BD: What's a barbiturate?
Hurr: Hahahah, oh man you're missing out!
BD: I'll take your word for it.
Soon as he left the house I googled the meds I was giving my dog, barbiturates and what people do with them. I told you I was naive. After a few minutes researching and going over the conversation I just had with the Hurricane those meds remained hidden in my room the remainder of the time I had my dog down. And for those wondering my dog is now in the safety of my parents house far away for any Hurricane zones.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Resistance Is Futile
I was hanging out at a friend's house in Manhattan Beach most of the night Friday so I wasn't at the house. Oddly enough much of our time was spent talking about the Hurricane and how this story will ultimately end. Anyway, I came home to the house looking like a Hurricane hit it. Usually he does this on Sundays but it looks like he was bored this Friday night.
Remember, the Hurricane never goes anywhere other than work. He has lived in Newport Beach, beachfront, for an entire year and has not made a single friend. The only person that will hang out with this creature is his buddhist mentor....and he pays him for that! So here we are, I snapped a couple of pictures early this morning before I headed out of town. Enjoy.
And it looks like the chair in the living room is his new closet. Makes sense since the couch is his new bed.
I don't like to lose. I've been raised in a household where I was always told to win, at everything. Be the best in sports, be the smartest in your class, etc etc. My natural instincts tell me I can be way dirtier than the Hurricane, completely outdo him in his own disgustingness, but this last pic was my feeble attempt and a week's worth of not throwing anything away. Resistance is truly futile. I give up.
Remember, the Hurricane never goes anywhere other than work. He has lived in Newport Beach, beachfront, for an entire year and has not made a single friend. The only person that will hang out with this creature is his buddhist mentor....and he pays him for that! So here we are, I snapped a couple of pictures early this morning before I headed out of town. Enjoy.
And it looks like the chair in the living room is his new closet. Makes sense since the couch is his new bed.
I don't like to lose. I've been raised in a household where I was always told to win, at everything. Be the best in sports, be the smartest in your class, etc etc. My natural instincts tell me I can be way dirtier than the Hurricane, completely outdo him in his own disgustingness, but this last pic was my feeble attempt and a week's worth of not throwing anything away. Resistance is truly futile. I give up.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Time Lapse Kitchen Photos - Four Hours
Above you see the kitchen in the morning when I went to work. It was a cluster fuck of course but when I came home early this day, the Hurricane had already doubled the mess just over his lunch time there.
The Hurricane usually stops at TWO fast food joins when he comes home for lunch. Yes, TWO. If he came home from lunch there are always two different sets of fast food trash evidence laying on the counter and coffee table. His favorite pair is Jack in the Box and Taco Bell.
This happened actually back in December and I forgot to post it. Below is how the place looked when I got home, around 4pm. And yes, in case you were wondering, those are in fact my beer bottles he drank and left on the counter.
The Hurricane usually stops at TWO fast food joins when he comes home for lunch. Yes, TWO. If he came home from lunch there are always two different sets of fast food trash evidence laying on the counter and coffee table. His favorite pair is Jack in the Box and Taco Bell.
This happened actually back in December and I forgot to post it. Below is how the place looked when I got home, around 4pm. And yes, in case you were wondering, those are in fact my beer bottles he drank and left on the counter.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Grows A Beard, Needs Trimming
Last night I went to bed pretty early, right after that the Hurricane came home, busted through the front door and started tearing open stuff. I was happy I was in bed with my door closed, I did not want to see the mess he was creating. When he buys something new and brings it home it looks like a pack of sharks attacking a giant steak in a sea of red chum. Shit goes everywhere.
I start to doze off after a few minutes and I hear him turn something on. It's vibrating. Loud. What the shit did this creature buy now? What the hell would be vibrating? I buried my head in my pillows trying to ignore all the questions I kept coming up with. I've never been so happy to have taken a sleeping pill an hour earlier, I passed out right then.
I wake up and jump in the bathroom to take a shower. Then I saw the evidence. There are hairs EVERYWHERE. All over the sink, all over the floor, even all over the toilet. It's not easy to see in this picture but click on it to make it larger.
I look around the bathroom hoping to find some hair/beard clippers, just praying that was the vibrating sound I heard last night going to sleep. I didn't see any in the bathroom, but that's because I'm an idiot and thought that the Hurricane would actually keep his personal items in his room or the bathroom. Where is he keeping the clippers and outlet charger? The kitchen of course! And yes, there are little hairs on the counter there under it. This is my life.
I start to doze off after a few minutes and I hear him turn something on. It's vibrating. Loud. What the shit did this creature buy now? What the hell would be vibrating? I buried my head in my pillows trying to ignore all the questions I kept coming up with. I've never been so happy to have taken a sleeping pill an hour earlier, I passed out right then.
I wake up and jump in the bathroom to take a shower. Then I saw the evidence. There are hairs EVERYWHERE. All over the sink, all over the floor, even all over the toilet. It's not easy to see in this picture but click on it to make it larger.
I look around the bathroom hoping to find some hair/beard clippers, just praying that was the vibrating sound I heard last night going to sleep. I didn't see any in the bathroom, but that's because I'm an idiot and thought that the Hurricane would actually keep his personal items in his room or the bathroom. Where is he keeping the clippers and outlet charger? The kitchen of course! And yes, there are little hairs on the counter there under it. This is my life.
The Loneliest Glass
When we moved into this house I brought four (4) nice wine glasses and the Hurricane bought a typical glass set from Target or somewhere. That set included eight (8) tall drinking glasses and four (4) shorter glasses. So total we had sixteen (16) drinking glasses of some sort.
Then the Hurricane attacked. I should have known this was coming because he broke his giant glass bong the very first day he moved in. I hadn't even moved in yet and there was glass shards on the carpet along with bong water soaked in, and the smell that comes along with that. Pretty much every other day some sort of glass object would be shattered and either not cleaned up at all, or half assed.
I came home one evening and there was a glass shattered in the kitchen. Thousands of pieces everywhere. The Hurricane was sitting in front of the TV like usual so I actually said something this time.
BD: What happened here?
Hurr: Oh yea I think I broke another glass...
He got up and scurried over and said he will clean it up. I thought...you THINK you broke a glass? Do you not remember that event? What kind of drunk doesn't even remember breaking a glass? Then ignores it and watches TV? I couldn't handle this so I walked to the water and watched the sunset talking to some chicks on the lifeguard tower.
I returned to see the Hurricane again right in front of the TV. I walked over to the kitchen to survey the damage cleanup....and he had tried to clean it up. I say tried because he failed miserably. He cleaned up about half the peices. And not even in any kind of order, the pieces were still scattered randomly throughout the entire floor, there were just less of them. How the F does someone clean about 500 tiny pieces of glass up off a floor while leaving about 500 remaining? Just...how?
BD: Dude theres glass everywhere still.
Hurr: There is? I cleaned it up...
BD: Not even close, walk around in there barefoot then if you think that!
Hurr: Hmmm, OK I'll clean it up again.
BD: No way I'll do it...
I get down and start picking up the larger pieces by hand and the Hurricane is standing behind me watching me.
BD: Hand me the broom and I'll get the rest.
Hurr: We have a broom?
BD: Ummmm, yes we do, it's in cleaning closet.
Hurr: We have a cleaning closet?
BD: Are you serious? You said you just cleaned this up and you don't even know we have a broom or a cleaning closet!!??
He could tell I was pretty irate at this point and scattered off into his room and closed the door. This happened probably the first month we moved in, September or so, before I got all my aggravation and frustration out by writing here.
So fast forward to today, seven months later and I present you the loneliest glass in the world. It is the sole remaining intact glass left in the house from the original sixteen (16).
I have never walked barefoot in my own house.
Then the Hurricane attacked. I should have known this was coming because he broke his giant glass bong the very first day he moved in. I hadn't even moved in yet and there was glass shards on the carpet along with bong water soaked in, and the smell that comes along with that. Pretty much every other day some sort of glass object would be shattered and either not cleaned up at all, or half assed.
I came home one evening and there was a glass shattered in the kitchen. Thousands of pieces everywhere. The Hurricane was sitting in front of the TV like usual so I actually said something this time.
BD: What happened here?
Hurr: Oh yea I think I broke another glass...
He got up and scurried over and said he will clean it up. I thought...you THINK you broke a glass? Do you not remember that event? What kind of drunk doesn't even remember breaking a glass? Then ignores it and watches TV? I couldn't handle this so I walked to the water and watched the sunset talking to some chicks on the lifeguard tower.
I returned to see the Hurricane again right in front of the TV. I walked over to the kitchen to survey the damage cleanup....and he had tried to clean it up. I say tried because he failed miserably. He cleaned up about half the peices. And not even in any kind of order, the pieces were still scattered randomly throughout the entire floor, there were just less of them. How the F does someone clean about 500 tiny pieces of glass up off a floor while leaving about 500 remaining? Just...how?
BD: Dude theres glass everywhere still.
Hurr: There is? I cleaned it up...
BD: Not even close, walk around in there barefoot then if you think that!
Hurr: Hmmm, OK I'll clean it up again.
BD: No way I'll do it...
I get down and start picking up the larger pieces by hand and the Hurricane is standing behind me watching me.
BD: Hand me the broom and I'll get the rest.
Hurr: We have a broom?
BD: Ummmm, yes we do, it's in cleaning closet.
Hurr: We have a cleaning closet?
BD: Are you serious? You said you just cleaned this up and you don't even know we have a broom or a cleaning closet!!??
He could tell I was pretty irate at this point and scattered off into his room and closed the door. This happened probably the first month we moved in, September or so, before I got all my aggravation and frustration out by writing here.
So fast forward to today, seven months later and I present you the loneliest glass in the world. It is the sole remaining intact glass left in the house from the original sixteen (16).
I have never walked barefoot in my own house.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Dr. Hurricane
This happened the same day we found out that the Hurricane had tried to heat up a microwavable dinner on a plate and cooking pan in the fireplace. When I woke up, with a massive hangover I might add, I walked into the main room and started cleaning up. I had some people over the previous night and we partied pretty hard. So naturally I start cleaning, because, ya know, that's what grown ups do.
The Hurricane came barreling out of his room, smashing the door, bumping into the hallway wall knocking a picture off, ya know, his usual routine, and ran up to me excitedly...
Hurr: Are you going to see Shitass today?!~?!!??!>?
BD: Yea probably, my car is parked down by his house so I might...
Hurr: GOOD, you need to talk to him man, he needs to go to the Doctor right away!
BD: Ummmm
Hurr: TONIGHT!!! He needs to go tonight, he can die any day!
BD: Ummmmmmmm
Hurr: Yea man, I was watching him while he was sleeping last night, he can't breathe in his sleep, he has sleep apnea bad, he might die tonight! You never know!
I try to take in what he just said. Yes...sleep apnea is bad, yes....I am very hungover and don't want to think, but WHAT THE CRAP IS HE DOING WATCHING MY FRIEND BREATHE WHILE HE SLEEPS?
I can NOT wait to tell Shitass this story so I sent him a text: "Hurricane says you need to go to doctors tonight, you might die, come by for details."
A couple hours later Shitass comes over and asks what the crap is going on. I can barely keep a straight face while I told him the story....
BD: So yea, you should get that checked out. (had started laughing at this point...)
SA: Wait a minute...
BD: He's looking out for you man!
SA: No no no, wait a second, you mean he was watching me breathe while I was sleeping?
BD: Probably while he was waiting for his dinner to heat up in the fireplace!
SA: WHAT THE FUCK, no way BD, no way. Fuck you, I am never staying at your house again. That creepy mother fucker was watching me sleep? Tell me you're making this up!
I was laughing too hard to even respond to Shitass anymore. He was irate and creeped out beyond belief. It took him a good half hour to get a hold of himself. We started cleaning up and that's when we discovered what had happened in the fireplace. It was a eventful day to say the least. From this point forward anytime anyone mentions anything remotely medical related we jump in and suggest they go to Dr. Hurricane for a proper diagnosis.
The Hurricane came barreling out of his room, smashing the door, bumping into the hallway wall knocking a picture off, ya know, his usual routine, and ran up to me excitedly...
Hurr: Are you going to see Shitass today?!~?!!??!>?
BD: Yea probably, my car is parked down by his house so I might...
Hurr: GOOD, you need to talk to him man, he needs to go to the Doctor right away!
BD: Ummmm
Hurr: TONIGHT!!! He needs to go tonight, he can die any day!
BD: Ummmmmmmm
Hurr: Yea man, I was watching him while he was sleeping last night, he can't breathe in his sleep, he has sleep apnea bad, he might die tonight! You never know!
I try to take in what he just said. Yes...sleep apnea is bad, yes....I am very hungover and don't want to think, but WHAT THE CRAP IS HE DOING WATCHING MY FRIEND BREATHE WHILE HE SLEEPS?
I can NOT wait to tell Shitass this story so I sent him a text: "Hurricane says you need to go to doctors tonight, you might die, come by for details."
A couple hours later Shitass comes over and asks what the crap is going on. I can barely keep a straight face while I told him the story....
BD: So yea, you should get that checked out. (had started laughing at this point...)
SA: Wait a minute...
BD: He's looking out for you man!
SA: No no no, wait a second, you mean he was watching me breathe while I was sleeping?
BD: Probably while he was waiting for his dinner to heat up in the fireplace!
SA: WHAT THE FUCK, no way BD, no way. Fuck you, I am never staying at your house again. That creepy mother fucker was watching me sleep? Tell me you're making this up!
I was laughing too hard to even respond to Shitass anymore. He was irate and creeped out beyond belief. It took him a good half hour to get a hold of himself. We started cleaning up and that's when we discovered what had happened in the fireplace. It was a eventful day to say the least. From this point forward anytime anyone mentions anything remotely medical related we jump in and suggest they go to Dr. Hurricane for a proper diagnosis.
.
I Can Play Jenga Too
I came home last night pretty inebriated and decided to have a little fun. I noticed that four of the couch cushions are now missing, which means they are in the Hurricane's stink cave. He leaves them in there indefinitely and they don't reappear till I go in there and get them, gas mask securely fastened. So in my half conscious state I decided to put the rest of the cushions in a single pile on the couch to see if he will say anything or possibly *gasp* move them. It reminded me of an old post, the Hurricane Effigy.
Also, the shower drain is now completely clogged. I've had to get drano three times in the past seven months to clear it out. The Hurricane shaves his head in there every morning so it backs up quick. Plus, who knows how much trash he shoves down that drain since he is unable to find a trash can in the bathroom, or even the house. The trash pile remains.
I now take my showers in under two minutes, which I hate doing, but I am not willing to stand in there when the water fills up and all his trash starts floating around my feet. This may sound like an exaggeration but trust me, it's not. I'm scared of the day that used bandaid is missing from that soap dish holder...
Also, the shower drain is now completely clogged. I've had to get drano three times in the past seven months to clear it out. The Hurricane shaves his head in there every morning so it backs up quick. Plus, who knows how much trash he shoves down that drain since he is unable to find a trash can in the bathroom, or even the house. The trash pile remains.
I now take my showers in under two minutes, which I hate doing, but I am not willing to stand in there when the water fills up and all his trash starts floating around my feet. This may sound like an exaggeration but trust me, it's not. I'm scared of the day that used bandaid is missing from that soap dish holder...
.
The Hurricane On Jeopardy?
No, the Hurricane is not really on Jeopardy, but if you ever wanted to know what he looks like....he looks EXACTLY like this guy that was on last night.
Eventually after I move out I'll post pics of the real Hurricane, along with pics of his room and his responses via email when I send him the link to this blog, but for now you'll have to be happy with this. If you needed a visual, use this, it could be his twin.
Eventually after I move out I'll post pics of the real Hurricane, along with pics of his room and his responses via email when I send him the link to this blog, but for now you'll have to be happy with this. If you needed a visual, use this, it could be his twin.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Photos Before An Unsupervised Weekend
I will be gone this weekend like usual so the Hurricane will again be unsupervised for 48 hours. I have not cleaned the house since I had friends over last weekend so the trash tribbles are already multiplying.
His vitamin corner always looks like this, so I don't imagine it will look much worse by Sunday night, but you never know with the Hurricane. The yellow thing is the water filter thing he loves to take into the bathroom while he is shitting and just drink water.
The clean stove didn't last too long. At least there isn't napkins of blood just wadded up on the counter like last time.
And I had to put one of the bathroom sink chronicles pictures here. This was yesterday also. His latest thing he likes is these monster energy drinks. I got a bunch of them for the party last weekend, the big 32oz ones (BFCs) and we never drank them. The Hurricane drank three of these in three days and is now hooked on them. He even told me how awesome they are and that he really likes them. No thanks for buying them, no hey I'll buy you more, just told me how much he enjoys drinking my fucking monsters. Thanks asshole.
And just for fun I took a picture of part of my closet. You can see that I now have to hide freaking toilet paper in there otherwise he goes through it all at a pace nearing two rolls per day now. He can just reuse his own dirty TP to wipe his ass since I've discovered that's what he has been doing. Also note my bathroom bag, soap and deodorant on the top shelf, I keep everything in my room, not a single thing gets left anywhere anymore. I've learned my lesson several times over.
His vitamin corner always looks like this, so I don't imagine it will look much worse by Sunday night, but you never know with the Hurricane. The yellow thing is the water filter thing he loves to take into the bathroom while he is shitting and just drink water.
The clean stove didn't last too long. At least there isn't napkins of blood just wadded up on the counter like last time.
And I had to put one of the bathroom sink chronicles pictures here. This was yesterday also. His latest thing he likes is these monster energy drinks. I got a bunch of them for the party last weekend, the big 32oz ones (BFCs) and we never drank them. The Hurricane drank three of these in three days and is now hooked on them. He even told me how awesome they are and that he really likes them. No thanks for buying them, no hey I'll buy you more, just told me how much he enjoys drinking my fucking monsters. Thanks asshole.
And just for fun I took a picture of part of my closet. You can see that I now have to hide freaking toilet paper in there otherwise he goes through it all at a pace nearing two rolls per day now. He can just reuse his own dirty TP to wipe his ass since I've discovered that's what he has been doing. Also note my bathroom bag, soap and deodorant on the top shelf, I keep everything in my room, not a single thing gets left anywhere anymore. I've learned my lesson several times over.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Reduce, Reuse, Recylce
If I charged the Hurricane the going rate of $5 for every footlong he doesn't flush I could be on vacation indefinitely in some third world country, which also would be much more sanitary than living here. He has never been this bad before. Trust me, he has always been bad, but it wasn't ever more than once a week. It is now minimum once a day I walk into the bathroom and I see his meat babies in the toilet still.
Here are a couple of pics from Tuesday and Wednesday respectively. And I know it's gross, but pay attention to the details in these pictures, play a little wheres waldo for a second. You will understand why shortly.
It is now Thursday and I wake up and see another one not flushed. I laughed (since that's really all I can do to stay sane and not run amok with a meat cleaver at this point) and went and grabbed my phone/camera. Took the pic and then thought about this for a second. We have been out of toilet paper since Monday. I looked through the pics I had been taking the past few days and they all had toilet paper in it.
Here is this morning's picture:
Hmmmm, a curiosity. Does the Hurricane have a secret stash in his room like I do? I doubt it, he is completely unable to plan a single day in advance, I mean the creature does laundry every single morning because he has no clean clothes, there is no way he has supplies in his room.
That's when it hit me. I looked back through the pics in order I took them. In each picture, the pile of bloody tissues in the trash can keeps getting smaller and smaller. He never empties the trash, and I know I haven't, so there is really only one explanation here Watson, when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. This creature from craigslist has been wiping his ass with his dirty, bloody, used toilet paper which he conveniently grabs from out of the trash can right next to the shitter.
At a total loss of words to explain my reaction to this.
.
Here are a couple of pics from Tuesday and Wednesday respectively. And I know it's gross, but pay attention to the details in these pictures, play a little wheres waldo for a second. You will understand why shortly.
It is now Thursday and I wake up and see another one not flushed. I laughed (since that's really all I can do to stay sane and not run amok with a meat cleaver at this point) and went and grabbed my phone/camera. Took the pic and then thought about this for a second. We have been out of toilet paper since Monday. I looked through the pics I had been taking the past few days and they all had toilet paper in it.
Here is this morning's picture:
Hmmmm, a curiosity. Does the Hurricane have a secret stash in his room like I do? I doubt it, he is completely unable to plan a single day in advance, I mean the creature does laundry every single morning because he has no clean clothes, there is no way he has supplies in his room.
That's when it hit me. I looked back through the pics in order I took them. In each picture, the pile of bloody tissues in the trash can keeps getting smaller and smaller. He never empties the trash, and I know I haven't, so there is really only one explanation here Watson, when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. This creature from craigslist has been wiping his ass with his dirty, bloody, used toilet paper which he conveniently grabs from out of the trash can right next to the shitter.
At a total loss of words to explain my reaction to this.
.
Toenail Clipplings On Kitchen Counter
I guess the Hurricane got bored with leaving his toenail clippings on the coffee table. Twice. Last weekend when I was cleaning up the house I noticed he left his clipper and pile of toenails on the kitchen counter. A nice neat pile too. Why the hell would someone round up their toenail clippings and just leave em there. It would take about two and a half seconds of effort to get them in the trash can? This is my life.
Does Laundry, Everyday
The Hurricane is truly a curiosity of the animal kingdom. One of his amusing personality traits is his complete lack of planning. He only buys items in single use or travel size, goes through them twice as fast as a normal human, leaves the trash out and opens the next ones. Wash, rinse, repeat this endless cycle.
My favorite is how he wakes up every single morning and realizes that he does not have any clean clothes to wear. Every morning he is shocked by this fact and runs around the house like a tazmanian devil looking through piles of clothes all over the place for a suitable shirt, slacks and pair of socks. He grabs only those items and throws them in the wash and gets it going so they can be clean and dry before he has to go to work.
The next morning....same thing. Every morning he wakes up in a total surprise that he has no clean clothes, finds ONE DAYS worth of clothes and washes them for that day. Every day. Endless. He has been doing this for seven months now.
His room reflects this pattern. You can not walk into his room. It is literally covered in clothes and trash. His closet doors are usually open and surprise surprise....nothing but empty hangars. However there are dirty clothes stacked two feet high falling out of the closet onto his floor. There is usually two to ten trash bags laying around his room. Yes, I said ten. If you think I'm exaggerating...just wait. I've been taking pics of this for months and Ill finally post them once I move out.
Many friends have been to the house and one thing most every does soon as they get there "Is the Hurricane here? Can I see what his room looks like this time?" He is like an exhibit at the zoo. I could charge admission for these "Meet The Hurricane" parties I have.
My favorite is how he wakes up every single morning and realizes that he does not have any clean clothes to wear. Every morning he is shocked by this fact and runs around the house like a tazmanian devil looking through piles of clothes all over the place for a suitable shirt, slacks and pair of socks. He grabs only those items and throws them in the wash and gets it going so they can be clean and dry before he has to go to work.
The next morning....same thing. Every morning he wakes up in a total surprise that he has no clean clothes, finds ONE DAYS worth of clothes and washes them for that day. Every day. Endless. He has been doing this for seven months now.
His room reflects this pattern. You can not walk into his room. It is literally covered in clothes and trash. His closet doors are usually open and surprise surprise....nothing but empty hangars. However there are dirty clothes stacked two feet high falling out of the closet onto his floor. There is usually two to ten trash bags laying around his room. Yes, I said ten. If you think I'm exaggerating...just wait. I've been taking pics of this for months and Ill finally post them once I move out.
Many friends have been to the house and one thing most every does soon as they get there "Is the Hurricane here? Can I see what his room looks like this time?" He is like an exhibit at the zoo. I could charge admission for these "Meet The Hurricane" parties I have.
Monday, April 4, 2011
No Toilet Paper? No Problem!
Thursday morning when I left to go to work the Hurricane had gone through all the toilet paper. About 24 rolls in two weeks. This stuff ain't cheap so I did not pick up any on the way home from work. When I got home from work the Hurricane was already home. He is never home this early and I asked him what was up. Two girls from his work are coming over. Wow!
Instantly I realized the train wreck that was heading for him he had no idea about. You can't have chicks over your house and have no TP. It's like a major rule, never ever be out of TP when you have female visitors. But, I also keep baby wipes in there so they could have gotten by.... but F them. So I went in to grab them to hide them before they got there and guess what I saw. The Hurricane's solution was to put two paper towel rolls from the kitchen in the bathroom. One on the toilet and one on the sink. Genius!
Also amusing was what he did to "clean". Ya know how he has the trash can in there always overflowing with his bloody tissues? Did he empty it in the outside trash cans? Hell no, he is too clever to waste that much energy. The creature put the overfilled bathroom trash can in the kitchen...right next to the overfilled kitchen trash can. He didn't even bother to empty it, just moved it. Of course, I can see the rational behind this since every time he stacks the trash high enough it magically disappears. I wonder if he will be surprised when that mystery is solved by him reading this blog and realizing I've been having to clean up his trash tribbles every god damn week.
The girls never came in the house and they went out with the Hurricane shortly after ariving. I went to bed early (have been sick for a week) and woke up Friday morning after the Hurricane went to work. I have the day off so a buddy of mine (RM) comes over to have a morning beer before he plays golf.
I am retelling him the story of the paper towels on the toilet last night and when I finish I think out loud to my friend...
BD: You know what, I bet you that piece of shit used those paper towels this morning and backed up the toilet.
RM: Oh yes you know he did, lets go see!
Sure enough, we walk in to see the toilet backed up with a shitty paper towel clogging it up. AND he moved the bathroom trash can back into the bathroom while still full! This creature is so amazing.
BD: Son of a shitty paper towel bitch. I'm gonna have to fish that fucking thing out with a god damn hangar!
RM: Can I take video of you doing it?
BD: Fuck you HELL NO. OK yes but just take pics this is for sure going on the blog.
So RM took a couple pics while I literally had to pull his shitty paper towels out of the toilet with a hangar, place them in a plastic shopping bag, place that bag into a empty 12 pack box, place that box into a bigger trash bag and go bury it in the outside trash cans. Is this really my life?
Instantly I realized the train wreck that was heading for him he had no idea about. You can't have chicks over your house and have no TP. It's like a major rule, never ever be out of TP when you have female visitors. But, I also keep baby wipes in there so they could have gotten by.... but F them. So I went in to grab them to hide them before they got there and guess what I saw. The Hurricane's solution was to put two paper towel rolls from the kitchen in the bathroom. One on the toilet and one on the sink. Genius!
Also amusing was what he did to "clean". Ya know how he has the trash can in there always overflowing with his bloody tissues? Did he empty it in the outside trash cans? Hell no, he is too clever to waste that much energy. The creature put the overfilled bathroom trash can in the kitchen...right next to the overfilled kitchen trash can. He didn't even bother to empty it, just moved it. Of course, I can see the rational behind this since every time he stacks the trash high enough it magically disappears. I wonder if he will be surprised when that mystery is solved by him reading this blog and realizing I've been having to clean up his trash tribbles every god damn week.
The girls never came in the house and they went out with the Hurricane shortly after ariving. I went to bed early (have been sick for a week) and woke up Friday morning after the Hurricane went to work. I have the day off so a buddy of mine (RM) comes over to have a morning beer before he plays golf.
I am retelling him the story of the paper towels on the toilet last night and when I finish I think out loud to my friend...
BD: You know what, I bet you that piece of shit used those paper towels this morning and backed up the toilet.
RM: Oh yes you know he did, lets go see!
Sure enough, we walk in to see the toilet backed up with a shitty paper towel clogging it up. AND he moved the bathroom trash can back into the bathroom while still full! This creature is so amazing.
BD: Son of a shitty paper towel bitch. I'm gonna have to fish that fucking thing out with a god damn hangar!
RM: Can I take video of you doing it?
BD: Fuck you HELL NO. OK yes but just take pics this is for sure going on the blog.
So RM took a couple pics while I literally had to pull his shitty paper towels out of the toilet with a hangar, place them in a plastic shopping bag, place that bag into a empty 12 pack box, place that box into a bigger trash bag and go bury it in the outside trash cans. Is this really my life?
One Week Of Stove Use
I cleaned the stove last weekend. I used it zero times. This is what it looked liked this weekend. This is nothing new of course....
But the best part of this pic? See that crumpled up paper towel with the red stains on it? That's not hot sauce. That's not ketchup. It's blood. Yes really.
But the best part of this pic? See that crumpled up paper towel with the red stains on it? That's not hot sauce. That's not ketchup. It's blood. Yes really.
The Bathroom Sink Chronicles VII
I snapped this pic of the sink before scrubbing the shit out of the bathroom on Friday. I had to clean because my brother's family was coming over for a beach day and I try to sanitize as much of the Hurricane's filth as possible with kids crawling around.
And the daily battles of Hurricane vs Toilet continue. Although I think I am the only one losing these wars. =\ He continues to use over a roll of TP per day and his discarded TP have become bloodier and bloodier. Oh did I mention he has gone from a 38 waist to a 32 waist in one month? 2 + 2 = ?
And the daily battles of Hurricane vs Toilet continue. Although I think I am the only one losing these wars. =\ He continues to use over a roll of TP per day and his discarded TP have become bloodier and bloodier. Oh did I mention he has gone from a 38 waist to a 32 waist in one month? 2 + 2 = ?
Has Started Collecting Womens Makeup
This was a surprise. And no matter how many times I say I think I've seen it all or the Hurricane can't surprise me, I'm wrong. This time he left one of his bathroom drawers open and I couldn't believe what I saw. He has several items of female makeup in there! Hard to tell from the pic, click on it to enlarge, but I inspected them with a neighbor friend and they are indeed what I say they are.
Before you go saying someone left it....um NO. The Hurricane has only ever had one other creature that could be remotely considered a girlfriend. She was around for a few weeks on and off. I can describe her with one little fun fact: she played offensive line for her high school football team. And even that was last last year and these are a recent addition to the bathroom.
With that in mind, why the hell is there makeup in here? Has he been using it? What the shit is going on NOW? This will be yet another "don't want to know the answer so not going to ask the question post."
Before you go saying someone left it....um NO. The Hurricane has only ever had one other creature that could be remotely considered a girlfriend. She was around for a few weeks on and off. I can describe her with one little fun fact: she played offensive line for her high school football team. And even that was last last year and these are a recent addition to the bathroom.
With that in mind, why the hell is there makeup in here? Has he been using it? What the shit is going on NOW? This will be yet another "don't want to know the answer so not going to ask the question post."
Shower Trash Pile Continues To Grow
Watch it groooooooow. Here is the previous post about it.
Please take note of that tiny beige item on the top of the soap dish on the wall....yep, that's a used bandaid!
Please take note of that tiny beige item on the top of the soap dish on the wall....yep, that's a used bandaid!
Video: I Move The Broken Microwave
The Hurricane's first (of which there have been several now) house fire he started happened when he destroyed the microwave back in early December. It then sat on the kitchen counter, looking at us every single day, and never once did the Hurricane ever make a comment about it. It has remained in the same exact location for FIVE months now.
To update you this is where it has remained since December, and another pic to show you the amount of dust that has collected on this relic of a once near nuclear meltdown in Newport Beach. If you're wondering about the goose in this pic...well he has his own blog also at Runaway Goose. Although he is not as popular as the Hurricane.
I was cleaning the house before my brother's family come over this weekend and finally decided to move this thing. At first I was gonna just throw it away, but then I realized that I have become somewhat emotionally attached to fine example of the possibilities of this man childs destructive capabilities. So I just moved it. But I wanted to move it where the Hurricane wouldn't find it. Watch to see where it ends up.
To update you this is where it has remained since December, and another pic to show you the amount of dust that has collected on this relic of a once near nuclear meltdown in Newport Beach. If you're wondering about the goose in this pic...well he has his own blog also at Runaway Goose. Although he is not as popular as the Hurricane.
I was cleaning the house before my brother's family come over this weekend and finally decided to move this thing. At first I was gonna just throw it away, but then I realized that I have become somewhat emotionally attached to fine example of the possibilities of this man childs destructive capabilities. So I just moved it. But I wanted to move it where the Hurricane wouldn't find it. Watch to see where it ends up.
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